Wife goes to Horse Show, Husband Develops Scurvy

I admit to self-indulgence by traipsing off to a horse show for two weeks in the Coachella Velley, south of Palm Springs, in the middle of a very rainy winter. Poor hubby developed not only scurvy, but beriberi and pellagra as well. These were considered scourges from the past, not seen in the developed world for over a century, and he gets all three.

How is that even possible? Let's review the contributors. Princess is hauled to Thermal during a torrential rainstorm by the ever patient Hugh with loyal Lindsey riding shotgun. I join the crowd the next day. Allan is on his own, fending for himself and his trustworthy dog companion. Petaluma restaurants mysteriously run low on ribs and pastrami. He figures he should diversify his diet, adding salami. Salami has spices in it. Heck, you can see the peppercorns and they're from plants, right? Should therefore provide vitamin C, thiamine and niacin.

Back at the horse show. I am no longer familiar with the Southern California dress code. I am hopelessly out of step with my competitors. The woman who went in the ring right before me wore a blindingly white shirt made even more reflective with carefully spaced Swarovski crystals scattered about. When not staring at the anatomically enhancing array of sparkle, one could not help but notice false eyelashes. At a horse show. Not the subtle, I-naturally-have-longer-eyelashes-then-you, false eyelashes. But out there, variegated, obvious false eyelashes.  Maybe that is why when she galloped off to the first fence, she could not quite lift her eyelids high enough to see a good distance. The horse abruptly stopped, purely for personal safety reasons, and she abruptly fell off. I hope her jewel-encrusted riding shirt did not leave divots.

Back at home, husband takes a bold action and thinks about eating something green. But the thought passes, un-actuated.

Back at the horse show, things are heating up. My mare finally remembers how to jump in succession, something she has not done for 4 months in the rainy Northern California environment. We crawl out of the basement of every class we enter and start kicking some butt. That was fun.

Back at home, things are looking dire. Dis-coordination, lethargy, and weakness appear, all the Wikipedia signs of nutritional deficiency are actualizing in alphabetical order. Fortunately, I ran out of money after a mere two weeks of showing and scurried home. Stuffing kale into the blender and sending it down an ng tube as fast as I could rescued the ailing home-bound "I'll be fine, go have a good time" husband. Never again. Next time, no dog sitter, he needs a cook!